My slutty-ass generation set a pretty low standard for the succeeding one, but this generation comes up with crap that just appalls me, and makes anyone with a shred of morality terrified to have a daughter in this world. I never noticed at the time I was growing up how sexually-oriented all the television shows and movies we watched were. By the age of eight my favorite movie was A Fish Called Wanda, and it still is, so I was used to seeing pretty raunchy stuff. Why was I allowed to watch movies like that? Because my parents have fantastic and sick senses of humor. Plus they know kids aren't stupid. Even so, being prepared and already exposed to sexual and vulgar humor or content doesn't make you aware of the fact that you're not only being desensitized to something you shouldn't be, but they're actually gearing you to think its normal.
My friend Stacy has two daughters, both who reminded me of my smart-assed self, especially the older one. When she began dating her first boyfriend in high school, I was horrified and heartbroken to hear that not only were her friends pressuring her AND her boyfriend to have sex, but they would tease her because she hadn't done it yet. Had they? No! They just wanted a sacrificial lamb who could tell THEM what it was like. Then I thought back to when I was in her shoes and the memories came back of my "friends" doing the exact same crap to me, pressuring me to get it over with so I could tell them about it.
I find it crazy that movies and television try to make it look like it's a huge deal to be a virgin: it's so "lame" and somehow everyone knows you are one. Then you grow up. You go out into the real world and you realize that virgins have almost become a precious commodity. By the time you meet your husband you know enough to realize that the guys who matter never cared about your "experience," or lack there of, and they never wanted you to have a "number" (and certainly not one more than you can count on one hand). The people who are worthy of your time and love aren't going to care about trashy shit like that...let the people who would care go to hookers.
Take my word for it, please...when you do find the right one, you are going to wish you'd made a lot fewer mistakes, like zero. When I (re)met my sister-in-law and realized you really could wait until marriage I thought "Oh shit. That kind of self-restraint was actually possible?! Man, I wish I would have known that!"
There is so much pressure coming at kids from other kids, from Hollywood (a cesspool of evil in itself), and from social media that they seem to think they have to get rid of their virginity, to cast it off like some curse they were born with. Well, kids, from someone who was under the same misguided impression: your virginity is a precious gift, something God hopes you will wait to give to your spouse. He will always love you even if you don't wait, but it's something you'll miss someday when you no longer have it.
Then I think about all the new stuff this generation has to contend with that mine did not. First of all, the only celebrity sex tape we knew about was Pam and Tommy Lee's. Sorry Pam...that's always gonna be there. But now it seems like a rite of passage for some of these tramps who want to be more famous than they ever deserved to be. Feel entitled to fame? Granddaddy built a hotel empire? Daddy was one of O.J.'s Dream Team? Well, just splay your legs for the camera and say "Oh, oops!" when some sleaze bucket leaks it to the media. Then watch the attention roll in. These are the role models our daughters and nieces DON'T need to have. They should turn up their noses at these people, and with any luck they will.
And feeding into the trash magnet of the world is the worst creation my generation didn't have to deal with: Social Media. The bane of every parent's existence. If it were up to me, you wouldn't even be able to get a Facebook page or any other until you were at least 17...then parents wouldn't have to listen to the whines of "But I'm the only kid in school who doesn't have one!" When I was going through tough times in school, as everyone does, at least I could go home and get away from the problems. Bullies couldn't touch you at home. But now kids are getting bullied worse on social media, and worse than that, the pressure and teasing over being a virgin is worse on social media!! And girls kill themselves over this senseless crap!! It's awful! Whenever I hear about someone being teased for being a virgin I start to see red. That has got to be the stupidest insult you could possibly come up with. Oh, no! She has more self-respect and restraint than you?? She'll be admired more by the people who matter while you're reviled?? OH, NO! I was the maddest I could get when I heard that an older cousin was teasing a younger one because she was 18 and still a virgin. That should be commended!! I couldn't believe she was trying the same crap on a new generation. What, do you want her to be as used-up and miserable as you?! Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you should be having sex, or even having boyfriends. In fact, being beautiful means you should learn to value and respect yourself, because the wrong people are often going to come to you, and you need to be ready to turn them away.
On the topic of being beautiful: [Trigger Warning to the self-absorbed...and if you actually expect people to give you "trigger warnings" and "safe zones" then yes, you are self-absorbed.] EVERY WOMAN IS BEAUTIFUL!! EVERY GIRL IS BEAUTIFUL, AND THEY ALL DESERVE TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL!! I can't believe how mean and vicious girls and women are to each other. They were when I was growing up and they still are. It seems to come naturally to be catty and tear down other girls to make yourself feel better. It's truly pathetic. Then you go through some of life's struggles and realize how important it is that women stand together and up for each other.
My great-grandmother was a stage actress and suffragette. I have always been so proud of the strong woman she was, and the strong girls she raised and influenced, as they made me strong and taught me self-respect. But I hardly think my mother's Nonni and those other women fought the fight they did to gain more freedoms for us just so the ensuing generations could turn around and be assholes to each other. They stood together for women's rights and we need to stand together for women's self-respect. We need to build each other up, not tear each other down.
And ladies, you know that bitch Karma I keep harping on about? Oh, she's a-watching. Think that other woman's husband looks better than yours? Think it's okay to gang up on the shy girl at work so you can feel better? Well someday Karma's going to pay you back, and it may be in a way you never envisioned. And someday you may need another woman to have your back, and she won't be there. In this world we are still the "weaker" sex (my husband would say "fairer," because he's a smart man and he knows we're better, but weaker works for this purpose), but when we stand together and up for each other we're stronger. We already know we're stronger internally...so quit caving to peer pressure and vanity and start sticking up for what is right: sticking together. Women go through so much shit in this world, and we need to be able to lean and rely on one another, not worry if we can trust one another. The girls I know will always have me to lean and rely on when they need me.